Wet 3
by Osa P
Summary: HOT KURAMAxHIEI ACTION! ...sequel to wet 2 edit: if u haven't read Wet 2 or any of the others, u prolly shouldn't read this. that is all.


On December 25 sometime before right now but sometime after today in a place that we call Japan but is actually just a figment of some manga artist's imagination, there lived 2 boys. These two boys were not just any boys.....they were ROOMIES!!! *insert dramatic track* Scary, ne? Oh, and they also had hot passionate sex whenever they felt like it, but that's not important. Noooo.....not important at all. These two boys were named Yusuke Urameshi and Kazuma Kuwabara, but we had to change their names in the made-for-TV movie, so now their names are Yusuke Urameshi and Kazuma Kuwabara. Aren't we clever? Yes, I thought so.   
  
In other news it was Christmas. Not like CHRISTMAS, but Christmas. Yanno the time when it's technically Christmas day but it's far too early for adults to be awake so the kid sits on top of their bed rocking back and forth in their own defecation waiting for them to awaken. Oh wait.....that's from a Tale of Two Cities. Sorry. But, yes, it was early Christmas. Hell, we'll just name it Chrizzlemizzle like da ghetto kidz do. And on this date of Chrizzlemizzle Yusuke and Kuwabara lay in their twin bed comfortably cramped underneath several layers of sheets and blankets. Why a twin bed you ask? Because twin beds turn Yusuke on. Yeah, whatever. Cheapskate half-demon.  
  
In any case, they lay all snuggly warm, peacefully dreaming; Kuwabara of kitties, his lover, and meat buns; Yusuke of death, food, and sugarplums. It was a Kodak moment really, but like in every story ever made that isn't fluffalicious, something bad has to happen. Right about..........now!  
  
Something slowly slithered through the tiny crack in between the window and the sill. It drained down to the floor, moving along with ease. Then amazingly enough, though not really that amazing considering the rest of this series, it slimed it's way up to the cheap sailormoon covered bed and sidled up to Kuwabara. It lifted it's mighty hand and- oh wait, it doesn't have a hand. Um.... It lifted its mighty amoeba-esque appendage and took hold of its prey. Of course, Kuwa snored right thru all this so the suspense is completely ruined.  
  
Giving a gooey shrug, the slithering thing-a-ma-jigger engulfed Kuwa's body and disappeared with a wet plop. Yusuke rolled over and situated himself in the warm spot left by his dissapparated lover. Otherwise, that idiot was dead to the world. Not saying that I don't sleep like that... The point is, who knew when Kuwabara would be found missing. If he wasn't there to jump on the bed screaming 'It's Christmas! It's Christmas!', who would wake Yusuke up?  
  
And so, time passed...............................................  
  
not that much damn time! take off a few 'dot dot dot's  
  
And so time passed............................  
  
better.  
  
Kuwabara awoke in a dark room. But his room was dark too so that didn't bother him. He blinked a few times, getting the sleep out of his eyes and becoming increasingly coherent. Not coherent enough to realize that he was kidnapped. No, of course not. But he was coherent enough to jump up and squeal "CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!", much like how he squealed out 'Yukina-san' in the dark tournament episode where he died, jap version. Yanno, he'd jumped about halfway across the room and then he fell flat on his face.   
  
'Damn ankle chain', he thought. For that too was common in his room. What can you say, Yusuke's kinky. He attempted to get back up, when he noticed that he felt quite a bit naked, which though very common in the summer time, was not at all normal in winter. He could've sworn he went to bed with pajamas on. Long ones. And he'd already promised Yusuke hot Christmas sex, so there was no point in undressing him for Chrizzlemizzle sex. Right? Right. However, when Kuwa touched a hand to his chest he felt a thin filmy fabric encasing his big ol' fat pecs.   
  
'What the fukizzle?! Where's mah pajamizzles?' He felt down the rest of his body in shock, noticing that he had on filmy fabric all over. And.....was that..a- a skirt?! Yes, indeedy, it was a skirt. Poor kid.  
  
"If this is some kind of sick joke Urameshi, I'll call up Keiko right now and invite her over for Christmas dinner!"  
  
A smooth and pretty much sexy voice chuckled in answer. I mean this dude sounded hot. H-A-W-T, hawt! Then said hawt voice spoke (yay!), "Oh, little Kazuma. How oblivious you are. And so...cute." The voice laughed again. He....it.....transsexual.....whatever.  
  
Kuwabar's eyes widened in shock from being addressed by his first name and from the fact that he was called cute. Well, by anyone but Yusuke anyways. A lone spotlight appeared on his body and he looked down to see filmy sea breeze blue cloth all over his manly form. Poor poor kid. At least it wasn't pink. His hair had also been let out of it's normal gelled state, which was normal during the night or when lounging at home. However, the ponytail it was usually secured in had been taken down as well, so that his naturally wavy orange tresses fell across his face. He looked...well... f'in pretty. Kuwa was both freaked out and amazed. And then freaked out again because he was amazed. And then amazed again because he was freaked out that he was amazed. And then freaked out again because he was amazed that he was freaked out that he was amazed. And then he was amazed because he was freaked out that he was amazed that hiei and kurama were having hot monkey sex next door and the author will not go into more detail unless given mucho fanart.   
  
ha! gotcha! Just wanted to make sure you were listening. ^^  
  
Now where were we....oh yeah. Kuwabara sat still in a bit of shock, and now realizing that he was once again kidnapped. Slowly, light began to fill the room with a warm glow.   
  
"Little Kazuma, how long I've waited to have you here with me. All alone. How long I've waited to finally have you here so that I may enact my revenge." The sexAy voice said this as the lights continued to un-dim. Un-dim? How stupid. "Yes, how long.... Now I can finally have the true prize, ne?"  
  
Kuwabara just stared at him like a cow would to an oncoming train. Why were all of his kidnappers fucking weirdos?  
  
The light's finally shown to their true brightness down upon where 'sexAy voice' sat. He sat on a raised area in a rather beautiful room. I mean, it was da shiznit. It had marble flooring, and walls that seemed unable to decide what pretty color they wanted to be. All of the colors mixing and diverting from each other. Kuwabara was sitting in front of a small waterfall and the rather large pool below it. His throne, chair thingy, must have been made out of pure white stone. And the random potted plants? Fab-u-lous! And I seriously think the designer wa- oh wait..... You wanna know wat he looks like right? well, i'll tell you.  
  
The sexAy voice was adorned in Japanese pimp clothes and was  
  
************************************  
  
After about the 5th time he'd rolled over, Yusuke finally opened one crust-ridden eye and stared at the bedside clock. 10:30.   
  
"...mm... too early.....back to sleepy........." He rolled over again and was drifting off to sleep when he realized something. "SHIT!" Yusuke sat up in bed so fast that the momentum knocked him out of bed and onto the floor. Bad momentum, bad. He scrambled around for awhile before reaching a standing position. On his head. Yes.   
  
But young Yusuke had realized that it was in fact Christmas and no longer Chrizzlemizzle so he should have been awake hours ago. Kuwabara wouldn't have let him sleep this late. He stood on his feet now, and went over to feel the bed. Only his 'side' was warm. I say 'side' because, honestly, a twin bed isn't big enough to have a side. Nevertheless, the heat that came off of it was his own and not the combined warmth of his and his lover's. Yusuke was more than a little worried. He was panicked.   
  
He didn't waste any time putting on clothes over his pajama's thought it was like 30 below outside. He didn't bother doing alot of things. Like putting on shoes. Or gloves. Or brushing his damned teeth. He had skankarific morning breath. He just ran outside blindly into the snow, running purely on instinct. He didn't know exactly where Kuwabara was or who he was with, but he did know that he'd been kidnapped. He also knew that the author would lead him in the right direction because she doesn't want to create a more intricate plot.  
  
And he ran. He ran so far awaaaayyyyy......  
  
************************************  
  
Evil Japanese pimp thing cackled. Though even his cackling sounded dead sexy. Kuwabara shivered. He didn't know much, but he knew that this kidnapper wanted something different from all the others.   
  
'Maybe he wants my hair gel. I sure as hell don't want to give that up! It's freakin' expensive!' Kuwabara pouted a bit, in deep concentration, similar but not limited to the looks on all of your faces right now as you realize that he's being really really really stupid. The young carrot-top thought hard for a few more minutes before a polite and smooth (like butter!) cough interrupted his silent reverie.  
  
"Pardon me sweet Kazu, but it appears that you do not understand what I want. It's quite simple really.", he drawled. "I want something that no one else has. Something irreplaceable." A wine glass appeared in his hand, filled with a murky brown liquid. It swirled sickeningly in the glass. That's gross. He twirled the crap-colored stuff around, before sniffing and taking a sip, much like how Treize sips his wine while ogling Wufei.   
  
"Understand, that I want the most precious jewel in the world, all for myself."  
  
Kuwa just stared at him like he was sea cucumber doing the horizontal tango with a female Doberman pincher. "Look, I may be the faithful sidekick who always dies and or gets his ass kicked, but I DO know that Yusuke is too damn cheap to have a precious jewel! He got our commitment rings out of a box of Pocky! I really doubt he'd have anything actually valuable. I mean, we sleep on an f'in TWIN BED! I-"  
  
"A twin bed?", oh so smooth voice pimp daddy thing interrupted. "I find twin beds very sexy. Even better than I expected."  
  
*insert Kuwabara faceplant* "What is with everyone finding twin beds arousing?!?!" The poor poor poor boy began to beat his head against the marbled floor repeatedly. In agitation. Then he became anguished that he was banging his head in agitation. Then he became more agitated because he was anguished that he was banging his head in agitation. Then he became anguished because he was agitated that he was anguished that he was banging his head in agitation. Then he became agitated because he was anguished that we was agitated that he was anguished that he was banging his head in agitation. Then Hiei slipped it in, twirled it around, and out popped a baby. Now Hiei and Kurama had a loverly family. Now all you fangirls go wet yourselves, either in joy or agitamation (because 'agitation' was getting old).  
  
Evil pimp dude chuckled at the poor boy's agitamated state. 'Oh how very delectable he is', he thought. 'I can't wait to take him. Yes to finally taste what has always been mine. Finally on this day, the day that Christ was born but is now just a stupid idea to boost the economy and make mankind more greedy than they already were, I will finally have my prize.' *insert evil hawt laugh*  
  
*******************************************  
  
And he ra~an, he ran so far awaaaaaayyyyyy. Yes he ru~uns, he runs both night and daaaayyyyyyyy. Got get away.  
  
*******************************************  
  
Evil pimp juice mofo of hawtness lifeforce now had Kuwabara sitting next to him, his head chained in place so that it was always over evil-dude's lap. Evil pimp-a-motha-freaka stroked his bright orange curls while sipping at his....uh..... murky brown liquid crap-a-mother. Kuwabara would have been soothed had it not been some slimy evil pimp paining on decimating his hair gel supply stroking his hair.  
  
la  
  
*******************************************  
  
Yusuke had worked up a sweat and killed five demons, and he still didn't know where his lover was. But, he did think he might have a few clues. Can you help Yusuke find all the clues? Remember, you'll know it's a clue if it has a picture of dead Keiko on it.  
  
"Well, can you all help me?"  
  
Of course Yusuke!  
  
"Let's see, is this rock a clue?"  
  
No! It doesn't have dead whore-bitch on it!  
  
"Oh, ok. Is this lamp post a clue?"  
  
*giggles* No! That doesn't have her either!  
  
"Hmmmm. Could this evil henchman-ish dude with a picture of a dead girl be a clue?"  
  
YES! It's a clue, it's a clue!   
  
"Wow, thank you all! You're soooooo smrte! I'll be goin-"  
  
Wait! Look at that!   
  
"What?"  
  
The girl, the girl!  
  
"Which girl?"  
  
The girl who looks like skank-whore a.k.a Keiko!  
  
"What about that one?"  
  
Uhhhh........KILL HER!  
  
"Oh. Ok. How fun!" *kills*  
  
And thus, we helped Yusuke find his clue! Now, he can go find Kuwabara! Isn't that neat?! *smokes* It sure as hell better be......  
  
************************************  
  
"Um......dude........evil.....pimp thingamaggiger...uh..... I gotta pee", said Kuwabara timidly. He squirmed in his confines, really needing to go. Like a racehorse. Or a pregnant woman.  
  
"Hmm... how badly do you need to go, precious?", evil thing asked, still stroking. Kuwabara's hair...yeah......sure.......  
  
"Urg.....uh..... gotta go like a pregnant racehorse!" He squirmed more performing the 'pee dance', seated version.  
  
"You'd better go then, I suppose." He punched in a code on a magical number bad on his awesome throne and a urinal raised in one corner of the room. That's kinda gross too, cuz urinals make the whole room smell like pee. Nonetheless, Kuwa's shining eyes lit up, and as soon as he was released he ran like a black man about to be lynched. He was about to drop his skirt when he realized that he had no privacy. None at all.   
  
He looked back and noticed the jap. pimp was still looking at him. "I'd really appreciate it if you, like, turned your ass around."  
  
"Oh, my Kuwabara. I'd appreciate it if you turned around and then stripped. Though, you do have a lovely rear, I like to see what else is in store."  
  
As the jap. pimp's evil laughter flooded the room Kuwabara became aware of what situation he was in. This man wanted to take his na-na-na and give it to science! It wus such a curse being so unnaturally large for a human. He pouted, cringed, and felt all afraid-ified.  
  
Just as he was feeling all afraid-ified, guess who burst in! That's right! The pope! He's all ready to cleanse some sinners in his robes and his big hat! Go popey go! Oh....and Yusuke burst in too.  
  
"YOU!", Yusuke shouted as he pointed a menacing finger menacingly at the menacing looking pimp figure. "You took Kuwabara from me!"  
  
*evil hawt chuckle* "So, I took him from YOU? Really now Yusuke, I'd have to say that he was never yours to begin with."  
  
Yusuke's eyes widened in shock and anger, his mouth gaping. "Why you...."  
  
"Please stop. I've heard all about your quick temper and the meaningless words you spout when Kuwabara's in danger, so I'd honestly rather not hear it again. He is mine, and you know it. You're just too afraid to admit it to yourself."  
  
Yusuke's eyes filled with tears of defiance as he fought to keep himself upright. It was his greatest fear that blah blahblah blah blah and your mom. The pope? He left. He doesn't handle gay affairs. But don't worry, he'll still cleanse you.   
  
But, then the author remembered Kuwabara was still in the room and so the human young man ran to Yusuke and glomped him.   
  
"Yusuke!! I missssssed you!!!!!" He snuggled and hugged and partially made out with his black hair lover in immense joy.  
  
That was all the proof Yusuke needed. He was more than a little empowered. He was a little ready to kick some serious ass!  
  
Without saying a word, he hefted Kuwa into his arms and sprinted across the room, already expecting the following blast. This, whatever it was, was quite strong, but nothing he couldn't handle. He stopped in a corner and set the carrot locked boy down gently, then leaped to the side as another blast followed his lithe form. This thing was damned fast that was for sure. It was impossible to see the blur that was Yusuke, but still the blast followed.   
  
Yusuke slowed a little as another blast missed him and he stared at the substance. That wasn't a normal energy blast. Naw, it looked far too gooey. Then what was-   
  
"SHIT! That stings!" He'd been hit by a gooey blastamiggiger while he was inspecting the foreign substance. He grasped his arm where he'd been hit. What the hell was that? And why did it smell oddly like ass-bacon? He had little time to ponder that, however, as another blast came his way.   
  
*Evil cackle* "Poor little half-demon. You don't know what you're messing with." Evil pimp thing sent another round of gooey blast Yusuke's way, each time coming closer and closer to hitting him again. "Kuwabara is mine, and now you'll die knowing that you can never have him again!"  
  
Yusuke was now backed into a corner. He had only two ways out. He could either blast through this thing, or blast through the wall behind him. So he picked the only option and planted his feet, moving into a fighting stance.   
  
"You wanted me? Well you got me!" He unleashed a half-unhuman battle cry as he ran directly for the mildly shocked pimp.  
  
Pimp thingy unleashed round after round of blast at his foe at such a rapid pace that they almost became one solid stream. He smirked, his sexAy little smirk, positive that the fight would very soon be over and that he would be the victor.   
  
But, only fools are positive.  
  
Yusuke charged right on through the blast and then stood, covered in goop, in front of the jap. pimp. He panted slightly as he glared into it's/his darkened features. And, like all evil villains, he did nothing but stand there though he could probably easily kill Yusuke now. This left plenty of time for Yusuke to poke the thing in the stomach and charge up his finger.   
  
"He's mine bitch." And thus Yusuke let forth the largest spirit gun blast of his entire life. So big it lit up half of Japan with it's brightness. Of course, all of the citizens just shrugged it off. They figured as long as it wasn't arigami again they'd be ok.   
  
There was very little left of the room, except for the urinal and Kuwabara and of course Yusuke. Kuwabara blinked for a moment, clearing his vision, before he took in the sight of Yusuke. He was covered from head to toe in some really greasy really nasty shit. Kuwabara ran to him, positively worried, but Yusuke held out a hand.  
  
"No, Kuwa. I don't want to hurt you too. I...I don't want you to die because of me."   
  
Kuwabara's eyes filled with tears at the thought of losing his best friend. His lover. His one and only. And on fucking Christmas.   
  
"Oh will you two idiots just stop with the whimpering?! Jesus! You'd think one of you was going to die or something!" That twas the voice of one very crabby (as usual) Genkai. She was also in random harem clothing, thought it was not nearly as attractive, and she had a pan in her hand. She glared up at Yusuke before pulling out a spoon and scraping the mess off of Yusuke into her pan. She continued this action for another five minutes before she was finally satisfied. Kuwabara and Yusuke stared at her oddly.  
  
"Hmm. That should be enough." She noticed the odd looks. "It's bacon grease you dumbasses. The stupid bitch is fine. You can go have sex now." She walked gracefully away, grumbling about 'kids today' and how stupid they've become.  
  
Kuwabara smiled at Yusuke. Yusuke smiled right back. He was more than a little ready to kick some ass. He was a little happy. They ran to each other and enveloped themselves into a tight, impenetrable hug.  
  
Their toight. The are very toight.  
  
Yusuke kissed Kuwabara gently, before whispering "Let's go celebrate Christmas, love."   
  
"Yes", Kuwabara whispered back, "And let's get me some decent clothes."   
  
"Actually, these clothes look really sexy on you. Almost sexAy." Yusuke smirked, and picked Kuwabara up to head on home. He was more than a little happy. He was a little horny.  
  
Kurama and Hiei died.  
  
Teh nEd  
  
***********************  
  
that wuz crap. r&r plz. or death threats. or sugar cookies. yay. sugar. 


End file.
